Hanley-Dafoe says the idea that we need to avoid stressful environments, or create systems to handle them, is faulty logic. “The better logic to approach this is to say, ‘We know stress is inherent. What are we going to do so when it comes, we have [room] in our lives and strategies and behaviors and tools to manage it? How can we be proactive?’”
To get ahead of the stress that’s on the horizon, Hanley-Dafoe suggests taking these six steps:
The first step for managing stress is to know it’s inevitable. It helps to understand your current methods for taking care of your physical and mental health so you can better understand your needs.
“How do you meet your feelings?” asks Hanley-Dafoe. “How do you make space? Some of the things from our past tend to repeat if you don’t repair them. So, how do you make sure you’re being proactive about managing your emotions?”
2. IDENTIFY YOUR HOME TEAM
Humans are social creatures designed to belong. To better deal with stress, Hanley-Dafoe says you need a team of people who are on your side and can talk you through situations, or simply listen. This can include your family as well as your friends.
Hanley-Dafoe says people who are on your “home team” are the ones you allow to see your messy kitchen. “If you’re cleaning your kitchen before they come over, they aren’t somebody who’s on your home team because you’re still maintaining your social self with them,” she explains.
3. PRACTICE GRATITUDE
There is also a spiritual realm to preparing for stress, but it isn’t pigeon-holed into religion or dogma, says Hanley-Dafoe.
4. GET CLEAR ON PRIORITIES
To handle stress, you also need to know what matters most. Be careful, however, that your list isn’t too long.
“When we have too many priorities in our lives, we have no priorities,” says Hanley-Dafoe. “Get radical clarity on your values. I often ask people to start by answering, ‘Who are you? And who are you not?’”
To get ahead of the stress that’s on the horizon, follow these simple steps.
Having clarity informs decisions as well as planning your schedule or building your life. “There are things that are just noise that our society does a really good job making seem very important,” says Hanley-Dafoe. “But at the end of the day, they don’t mean anything when we’re going through a hard time.”
5. MAKE THE INVISIBLE VISIBLE
You also need to understand your values. Too often, though, values are more like aspirations swirling around your head and heart. Instead, you have to make that information visible.
“Unless we see it, it’s really hard to put it into action,” says Hanley-Dafoe, who recommends doing a free-flow writing exercise. Ask yourself, “Who am I?” Then write down descriptions until you’ve exhausted all the answers. Then dig deeper, looking at the answers behind the written answers.
For example, you may write down, “I am someone who values my health.” If you dig deeper, you might decide, “I’m the type of person who feels more productive and stable when I start my day with movement.”
6. CLING TO GOOD HABITS
In good times, it’s easy to stick to your values and priorities, but it’s another story when your world is falling apart, says Hanley-Dafoe. When stressful situations happen, it’s important to keep your values and priorities in the forefront.
For example, if you normally spend the first five minutes your day meditating, it can be tempting to change behaviors while you’re in a crisis. “It’s okay to acknowledge the part of you who may not want to take that action,” says Hanley-Dafoe. “But remember the part of you who does. Say, ‘I’m choosing to show up and give energy to this part of me that I know is working toward the greater good.’”
Managing stress isn’t as far away as you may think, says Hanley-Dafoe. “We think it’s something in the future, but really, it’s one right choice after the other that we braid together to have good days. Those little wins, on a daily basis, will help us feel better in the stressful moments.”